I Prefer No Body Odor…

So, I was reminded today of a hippy situation we encountered recently.  My standoff’ness came across as rude and dislike when it was really  more of a disconnect really.  For years as we have traveled as BareNakedFamily and people have often called us hippies, to which we quickly reply ‘Uh, hell no!  We brake for Starbucks!’ But if it helps,  we try to buy the organic stuff.

Well, let me set the record straight…when you think that I do not like you maybe seeing it from my point of view will help you understand where I’m coming from.

It’s hard to get to know someone and put your best foot forward when their smell literally peels your face off.  I get it…there’s better and healthier ways to apply deodorant, but apply something when you expect to hug people and be hugged back.  One time, this lady hugged me and I felt her armpit literally make love to my shoulder during the hug and for the rest of the day could not get her B.O. off of me.  Gross.  So, there’s that.

Also, I love vegetarians though I’m not one.  But when indulging in a huge plate of spinach right in front of someone while having a face to face conversation about your latest and greatest art project that came to you in the middle of the night, you might want to chew with your mouth closed. It’s hard to buy into that wholesome thing when half processed food is hanging on your every word.  Unless it’s part of the art project, but the last time I saw an exhibit like that I was in another country and paid good money to see it, if you know what I mean.  I work real hard to conceal the dead carcass that I’m chewing on when having conversations over dinner with hippies or not.  I think I learned that when I was about four.

I will never pee in a bag, but thanks for asking.

We love our kids…we love your kids…but for the love of all things holy, grab a hand and take your kid out of a situation rather than talking and helping them transcend from the negative space and into a meditation level while the rest of the world is staring.  I get it.  I support it, but am also a proponent for manners and discipline as supplementing parental guidelines.  I call it parent balls, grow a pair and help control your kid.  Then we’ll stop making excuses to stay at home rather than join you at the art gallery for the newest installation of ‘Help End Poverty in a Third world Country’, unless it’s of the paying kind of art show we like…wink wink.  So what, we’re weird too.

Tits are great!

When you make love in front of me, I think it’s awesome.

Don’t knock capitalism and big box when hippy made products can easily out do a Saturday festival strolling budget.   Sometimes at the end of a Family budget, mama’s gotta shop the bigger guys to afford something for herself.

Oh, and one more thing…really if I could just be honest…what do you do with the pee in a bag?

2 Replies to “I Prefer No Body Odor…”

  1. Jestily reply?

    I pee in a pot, then dump it out the window. I think a bag would be too difficult, because of the lack of hard surfaces… Even better, I just have a few beers and quit caring that the state park has closed it’s bathrooms for the season and pee in the parking lot.

    I don’t wear deodorant but shower every day. Except that I haven’t showered since Wednesday last. But if I could find somewhere to get/take one I sure as heck would! YMCA tomorrow maybe. To be honest though, I do feel REALLY bad for everyone around me. 😛

    If your children are so expensive that you have to shop at Walmart, I would sell one of your children. The decision is easy, whichever weighs the most. The black market pays by the pound, right?

    Tits are great, and please stop watching me have sex. I know that my bus is made of all windows but if you saw a horse shitting, you’d look the other way, right?

    Actually, you could sell those bratty kids instead of your own. Their parents will not miss them.

    It should be known that many “vegetarians” aren’t just spinach eaters. In fact, I don’t think I’ve eaten anything but chocolate and whiskey in 2 days.

    And seriously though, what’s this peeing in a bag thing?

  2. Peeing in a pot in the name of all things travel, hell’s yes. When you use it in the garden, you’ve gone too far.

    I use a natural based deodorant and still need to shower everyday. But also subscribe to Matthew McConnaughey’s philosophy that a man should smell like a man. If you’re a hottie, this actually works in your favor. If you’re not, sorry it grosses me out. Nathan, lucky for you…you’re freaking adorable. If I called you hot that could be weird. But know, that I have never smelled you before. But the wind is about to shift and blow in from the north, so maybe.

    We’re no longer allowed at Walmart since the kids threw blood at the old people hired as greeters in protest due to the exploitation of third world countries and we’re laying low on this subject. But selling bratty kids sounds great. Especially with the economy where it is lately, a freelancer’s gotta do what a freelancer’s gotta do.

    Tits are great.

    In all honesty, it’s hard to stop watching people making da love. There I said it. And seeing a horse shitting actually sounds like a bitching mobile upload pic to me, so probably wouldn’t look the other way, but wouldn’t get involved either. Unless the horse demanded.

    The spinach incident…true story. Not to mention I wouldn’t pay this lady to put anything on my body, much less her half processed food. If you met her, you would understand. Personally, I support your chocolate and whisky habit, because if you were gonna do it I rather you be doing it in the van honey.

    Yes, we’ve been asked to pee in a bag. To which we said no.

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